I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Randomize
