Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
