Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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