girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
