apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
