Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
