dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
