before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
