thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
