Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
