Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
