8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
