Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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