I just saw a hot homeless man
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Randomize
