Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
