I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize