I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
