So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
