so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
