its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
