the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
