Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize