The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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