I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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