That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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