i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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