ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
