i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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