my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
