I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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