The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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