you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I am naked and annoyed.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
