when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
