i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
