he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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