Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
