So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
