I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
