I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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