You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My dick has a subreddit
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
