he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
