We need to rekindle our bromance
this boner is exhausting
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
