I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You can't motorboat a personality
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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