i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
