I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
