I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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