blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
