Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Randomize
