im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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