Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
