This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
