my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
The air taste purple.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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