I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
