Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
